the external world

I've been thinking a lot lately about validation, about what is worthwhile, about – at the risk of putting it far too dramatically – what it is we live for. Not to pretend it is or should be the same for everyone; more, I've been trying to find a means to measure myself and the best means I can find is myself. I do not think there is a thing that exists that is the thing I want. I think the external world lacks it. And if I do not value existing metrics, what can will read true to me? To stop this constant pushing away, this dismissal, this roving for a way to know.

I think I need to create my own ruler. This is a strange problem, once you think about it, because it is more than a question of scaling a system to me. The question is: What is the system and what is the scale?